Shepard's Lazy Day
by He Who Fought Monsters
Summary: a typical day in the life of commander shepard after the reapers have been beaten.


You can call me ray

Or you can call me jay

But don't call me the guy who owns mass effect

Cause I don't. & lying is wrong. Stop lying. **NOW**

In all honesty it's better in Bioware's hands then mine

Also I don't own "the lazy song" by Bruno Mars or the alternate video starring Leonard Nimoy but that he & that vid R awesome

For those of you playing the home game, that video inspired me to do this

(leonard I luv you)

(my god did I just type that)

(also it would help to watch that first so you get more of a visual sense of what's going on)

WARNING: contains a lot of pointlessness, you actually might feel dumber for reading this in the first place. You. Have. Been. Warned.

Shepard's Lazy Day

(the events here take place around 25-30 years after the destruction of the reapers)

the alarm clock on Shepard's nightstand went off for the sixth time that day. The only thing stopping him from hitting the snooze button again was the sunlight through his window and seeping through his eyelids.

With much struggle, he finally got up. Twenty minutes after the events that I just typed happened

"nature calls" he thought and walked to the bathroom. Then proceeded to piss in the sink because he didn't care. The phone rang and the thought that went through his mind was "I'll let the machine get it" and continued his business

after admiring his reflection for 5 minutes he slowly moved his sorry ass to the kitchen to make some breakfast. That was until he found out the milk was sour and there was hardly enough count chocula marshmallows to satisfy his hunger. So he ate the last of said pieces and threw the box on the front lawn as he left his house. A turian neighbor waved friendly only to be pushed aside by him and continued on his way.

At the store he decided to sample some jeletin (that's not how you spell it but whatever) but while he was doing that a kid walked by and just stared at him until shepard scared him off. Then got what he came for plus some magazines of swimsuit models. "this is the guy who killed the reapers and saved the galaxy" the salarian cashier thought to himself as shepard pointed a gun at him instead of paying and walked off with his stuff

On his way back he crossed the street and a car screeched to a halt before he ran him over but honked for him to pick up his pace. Shepard only gave a middle finger as his response.

As he returned home a mailman tried to deliver his mail only to have the door close on him.

Shepard then sat on the couch and turned on some television and was subjected to various commercials on every channel. Mostly just Garrus either promoting stuff or doing political peace stuff shepard used to do. He flipped to a news report, something about Wrex and the Krogan he wasn't paying complete attention. Then found that talk show that Tali and Kasumi do now. An hour later he gave up and decided to watch porn and stick one of his hands inside his pants.

After that he toyed with a pair of nunchucks for a while followed by a game of darts and went out to get the mail. He found so much from his so called "friends" and "fans". In one envelope was a picture of a family and a letter expressing thanks, to which he scoffed and folded the picture so it would even out the leg that made the couch unbalanced. And started a fire in his fireplace (where else) & threw the rest in there and watched them burn into ash.

He looked at the clock & it read 1:29 am so he rolled up a joint and stated smoking it

"what a great day" he thought to himself as another day of him being lazy just ended

so what'd ya think. I made the decision to not go into detail of what this shepard looks like or his first (1st) name or what class he is so that way it can be your shepard if he's a male of coarse. Or if you don't like that pick your least favorate physical traits and class that he can have if you want. I'm 2 lazy 2 care. But wardrobe wise id say what leonard nimoy was wearing in the music video but instead of a tiger t-shirt either a black shirt with the N7 logo or a shirt that says "I'm the freaking man" or "I'm commander shepard and this is my favorite shirt on the citadel"

(so basically a open bath robe, a t-shirt, and what I assune is either somekind of underwear or pants)

and I don't know if this should keep the T rating or just make it M. see I have no idea, & unless theres a lot of sex, swearing, or too much brutality I cant tell what makes a story an M story. Let me know before tells me. The hard way.

farewell until we meet again, true believers


End file.
